THEMES AUSTRALIA | MIGRATION | HOME | GHOSTS MY CHILDREN | BIRTH | WOMEN'S BUSINESS | GRACE WOMEN'S SPIRITUALITY | CONNECTION TO PLACE I worked on things till the early hours this morning, the baby stole more sleep but I got up early and I am happy to say it's done! The questions I ask myself right now: How do I explore what this place means to me using a visual language that is my own? How do tell the story of being a #Celt in this land? 25 years on the #EastCoast of #Australia - through the #highlands - on the #shores and navigating those #BigCities - days driving through the #desert into the center - how do paint what I feel here? The person who brought me here didn't stick it out, didn't make this place #home - had no respect for what was here before and didn't see nearly enough of the colours here- the irony of that man being a ghost is not lost on me. I don't want to be a ghost here. Being a 'blow in' I wonder what is it to be OF a place? Eveything is set up to make it too easy to just take so much from this land. There are towns and cities that are part of me but I am not longer part those places, OF those #communities - am I of this place yet? 3 years here, 25 years putting roots down. Does the land know me yet? Recognise my voice? I try and tread lightly, I try and add my voice to the chorus! My daughter turns 8 this week... in #Irish her name means BRIGHT. She is a bright beautiful #Australian Winter... she brightens this cold season... she brightens with the cold... loves the rain and storms and playing on and in ice. She runs warm... a true Winter baby. Even when difficult memories come up... the abuse I experienced during her birth, even when #PTSD reminds me that some things never leave you... she holds the darkness back with her SHINE. #MotherhoodIsSacred I messed up a #LargeCanvas but it lead me to discovering how much a love tearing up painted #canvas - what felt a bit devastating after waiting so long for new #supplies lead to a new #discover - finding a technique I want to use regularly in my process! We are #LayersOfRock upon the Earth's #mantle - pushing up against eachother, layer upon layer, generation upon generation. Last year a Boon Wurrung woman said to me 'you put your baby's placenta in the ground here' - she showed me how to connect my other baby to country and then asked me if I wanted to do the same thing for myself - I said I wasn't born here, I couldn't get the earth/dirt from where I was born to put into the ground. I got a bit upset at this point. She said 'you think that matters? You birthed your babies here! You're home!' What grace is that?
If you know me, you know I have endometriosis. This year I even started to share work about living with the condition on this blog. I have quite a fun little monthly project called #BloodWork where I document one of the realities of having the condition and make funny, fun little reimagined images from phone-cam pictures. I recognise that some readers of this blog find it confronting... blood IS confronting. It shouldn't be when it's just menstrual blood but alas...
I am so excited about abstract painting that I am openly sharing my process pretty much daily over on Instagram... Siobhán Vs Abstract And secondly, because I just published a demo of a tune and intend to finally start sharing demos regularly on this site. Health challenges are probably the number one reason I have struggled to share my songs over the years, through performance and cataloguing through recording. I also have young kids, so for better or worse my songs won't be given the production treatment I would like to give them before putting them out into the world. I have had to make peace with my own limitations over the years it regards to how my health affects ALL areas of my life but it's affect on art-making is very hard for me to accept, when it comes to performance in particular. Endometriosis can often feel like 'a life half lived' but chuck in the racket in my head and... ... ... well just getting out of bed can feel impossible on bad days. That's me, eleven years ago, on the Sunshine Coast, recording. At the beginning of a wonderful but challenging decade that would see me make nowhere near the strides I had hoped to with music and song-writing. And this is me now, baby down for nap, menstrual products and pain-killers stocked up, still wearing my nightie, recording a guitar part. This is me, knowling my limitations and deciding to make some art in spite of it all!
"Women are leaders everywhere you look -- DAY ONE |
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DAY TEN
TEN DAY REVIEW
DAY ELEVEN
DAY TWELVE
DAY THIRTEEN
DAY FOURTEEN
DAY FIFTEEN
DAY SIXTEEN
“Painting, like music, has nothing to do with the reproduction of nature, nor interpretation of intellectual meanings. Whoever is able to feel the beauty of colors and forms has understood non-objective painting.”
– Hilla Rebay
1 in 10 women live with this currently incurable disorder.
I first started struggling with Endo when I started having a regular period when I was 12.
That was 21 years ago.
11 years ago, when I was 22, I was officially diagnosed after pelvic keyhole surgery.
It had taken 10 years to be diagnosed and many trips to Doctors saying: 'I think I have #Endometriosis - I need help!' During surgery a lump of endometrial tissue was removed. The lump was described by my surgeon as being the size of a golfball.
After surgery symptoms continued and I have struggled to maintain a professional life due to be incapacitated each month with chronic pain, fainting episodes, migraines, exhaustion, anemia and sometimes simply because the bloodloss is just too heavy to leave the house. I have also struggled to persue my passions!
I have tried many pain-management medications and explored many expensive 'alternative' options to manage pain and dysmenorrhea with very little success.
I experienced some reprieve from symptoms after the birth of my daughter but six years later I had a second child and for the last 18 months I have found life with Endo once again very difficult to manage.
At times, my relationships have been negatively impacted, particularly my marriage.
I wouldn't wish this disorder upon any woman and I think if men were living with it and having to manage the pain and it's impact on every area of their lives it would have received much more attention by now!
Help us gain awareness during March so that one day soon we can diagnose and treat this condition better and work towards a cure.
WOMEN'S HEALTH MATTERS!
WOMEN MATTER!
HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY!
At times like this I love to just mess about with paper... make something inconsequential!
So I dug into my scrap-paper and photo box and had a play whilst sitting in my lovely spot next to my plants.
"I believe great people do things before they are ready."
— Amy Poehler
I have found myself in a space recently where I am leaning into the things that really bring me joy... those 'life-giving' things! I am leaning into the new people in my life that I am working with and they are affirming some truths that have been revealed to me time and time again over the last few years: communication is key, few things in life are binary: wrong/right, black/white, good/bad etc. and there is NEVER going to be a 'perfect' time to make or do new things!
I love that Amy Poehler quote above!
I am also realising I don't need to 'push away' from things and people and ventures if my natural state is stable... that has been a very unhelpful frame of mind in many ways. If my boundaries are firmly in place and I am wearing my values on my sleeve there's no need to run, to push away. When I am solid in my world I can 'lean in' when it's needed, when I want to and when it's important to.
The quilt is for my daughter and we live in quite a cold climate so my goal is to get this project finished for her before Winter. She'll need it and I really need to get this project DONE. I have too many outstanding projects in my life right now and I want to spend this season DOING! The 'to-do' list of daily parenting and life tasks is tough enough to get through and yet I keep adding projects and ventures to the list... there is A LOT of my personal creative projects and it feel like they have been outstanding for years now and I have to admit I VERY frustrated!
But how fabulous are these colours? That printed cotton made to look like crochet Granny squares is just THE BEST. I would love to be able to make a big Granny square blanket for my couch but I suck at knitting and crochet. So this fabric was a very exciting find.
"I will not have my life narrowed down.
I will not bow down to somebody else’s whim or to someone else’s ignorance."
— Bell Hooks
I love old photobooth pictures. These beautiful young womyn inspired me one night whilst playing around on my phone with some digital symbols and florals. There is something strong and also yet also vulnerable coming through in each woman's face.
Who are they? What are their stories?
Beautiful, beautiful womyn!
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